Re-learning #3 : How to Rest

Why is it SO hard to sit still? 

Every time I sit still to pray, read my Bible, or just be silent in God’s presence my body basically starts convulsing. I start to think of all the other things I’d rather be doing. More productive, fun, pressing, interesting things. And oooh the distractions. One minute I’m praying and a string of 10 thoughts later I’ve decided to buy a new coffee table on Craigslist. In fact, by that point, I might be on the phone with the person from Craigslist. 

How is that even possible?

I know many would argue that it’s the times we live in. We want things newer, sooner, louder, more entertaining. We have Netflix on demand and You Tube videos at our fingertips. So, sitting still and listening to an invisible God is just…well…boring.

Right?

But, here’s the truly fascinating twist. Almost every single time I make myself spend time with the Lord, either in scripture or just bringing my worries and desires to him, I feel more whole. I feel foundationally secure.  I feel lighter and energized. I feel purposeful. I feel free. I feel like He is with me and that means I can take on the world today.

Now imagine with me for a second.  Imagine that you discovered this person. A friend. The best friend you’ve ever had. And after spending time with this friend you almost always felt more whole, secure, lighter, energized, purposeful, and free.

I can tell you one thing for sure. I would be straight up stalking that person. They would have to block my number and de-friend me on Facebook because I would be constantly begging for time with them.

So, I guess what I’m saying is that it isn’t even logical that I react the opposite way to time with the Lord. And that makes me think that it’s ingrained in me. It’s in my nature. In the very deepest darkest corners of my rebellious self. And I have to fight it because it is my default setting.

And God knows this about us. The culture of 2011 encourages our restlessness, but this is not a new thing. God’s been bringing this to our attention for thousands of years.

Hebrews 4:9-11 says this:

There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience.

The writer of Hebrews brings up two kinds of rest here.

There is rest from work; which often looks like me driving my jeep on a sunny day or snuggling up with Micah in sweatpants for a Friday Night Lights marathon. 

Then there is God’s rest. Which I believe is the gospel. It’s sitting down for a moment of quiet, asking him to speak to you, and then hearing him say, “No more striving today, sweetheart. You are secure in me. You are sinful and broken, but I gave my life so that you might live.” That feels like true rest. Rest for the soul.

And I need it every single day. I need to be reminded over and over and over.

He knows I need that stillness so much that he even, like an attentive parent, rested himself and said, “See. Watch me. Live like I live. Rest from work and rest in me. ”

P.S. The rest of Hebrews 4 is killer. 

Re-Learning #2: Feeling like a Failure

Oh Dwight. We are so much alike. Ok, not really. But, yesterday I did feel like a failure. A failure at life. This is one of those re-learning things. I have been seriously slacking by my own ridiculously high standards. Here are a few highlights…

Our fridge is embarrassingly empty.  There is a laundry pile taking on a life of its own in our hallway. I have phone calls to return that are getting to that point where I’m considering concocting an elaborate lie to explain why I’ve been MIA. I have loads of work stuff to do. I up and decided that our house is ugly and I want to change everything. My dog keeps staring at me like those Sarah Mclachlan ASPCA commercials and judging me for not walking her more. On and on….

And yesterday it just got to me. It wasn’t pretty. It felt like I was suffocating. Like I was in a tiny room and I couldn’t get out.

So, I vented to Micah (ah, the joys of being married to me) and he listened to me talk in one very long illogical run on sentence like a loving husband should. But, honestly I didn’t feel much better afterwards.

Then this morning God spoke a much needed word to me. He said this….

In the beginning, O Lord, you laid the foundations of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. They will perish, but you remain; they will all wear out like a garment. You will roll them up like a robe; like a garment they will be changed. But you remain the same, 
and your years will never end.

 –Hebrews 1:10-12

And then more personally he said this…

Daughter,

All these things mean nothing. They are worthless and ultimately meaningless. Especially the money and possessions you are so tightly holding onto. It will all be gone one day. These things are not who you are. I AM who you are. You are in me and I am in you. I AM what you seek. Trust me to give you what you need in the deepest sense. My way is better. You are doubting that, but believe me it is better.

Fall on me.

Release.

Stop.

Breathe.

Open your heart, and let me in.

See things how I see things.

Come to me.

Relax.

I love you, daughter, and I would do anything for you.

I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. (Isaiah 49)

Love,

Your Father

Whew. I really needed that. I hope it blesses you too. 

Well I did it...We did it

It only took a life altering snow storm for me to do something I've been thinking about for awhile - starting a blog. I had lots of hesitations, but they mostly fell in the middle school insecurity category, so I'm going for it.  


I'm currently sitting in a hotel room in Atlanta with two friends - Teressa and Caitlin - who have become even dearer friends in the last 48 hours. The three of us all work for Young Life in different towns, and we came together with several hundred other staff for a training this week at Sharp Top Cove (a YL camp 90 miles outside of Atlanta). I love these girls. They laugh at my jokes, I laugh at theirs, they pray for me, and typically at these types of mass trainings I stick unashamedly close to them. I would consider myself an outgoing person on the normal range of humans, but gathering 300 extreme extroverts in one room totally overwhelms me. I age 50 years, and go to bed by 10PM, and read alot, and do not participate in the array of dance-party-type activities. 


But, I digress...


On Sunday the three of us realized a multiple-day blizzard was scheduled to arrive that night in Georgia, so we left early and went ahead to Atlanta to be close to the airport. When we arrived at our hotel we felt tired and hungry, but accomplished, especially since my mom snagged us a hotel way above our class level with her travel points. We threw our stuff in our room and decided to take a cab to the finest establishment downtown Atlanta offered - Chili's. And it was amazing. Micah always makes fun of me because I get obsessed with restaurants and then ruthlessly break up with them. Chili's and I had a rocky past, but Sunday night we reconciled over an Oldtimer burger and chili queso. At the dinner table, Caitlin and I bugged Teressa to tell us what she loves about her fiance Stephen, and then we talked about how thankful we are for our jobs and our lives. And for a moment I felt like life stopped and we really enjoyed each other. 


Then it started to snow. 


Just a little at first, and then in flakes so big they looked like those snowflakes you cut out of doilies in elementary school. In true Texan fashion, we marveled at it, took pictures in it, and then giggled like little girls as we ran to the Publix grocery store across the street to get provisions. 

You know we're excited when the thumb up comes out

We got in Publix and wandered around buying only the necessities: things like Nilla wafers and Fanta. It wasn't until we talked to our cab driver, Dewayne, who was stuck in the snow-induced traffic that we started to question our lollygagging. We sat on a bench in between the two automatic sliding doors and waited. Waited until every customer was gone. Waited until the lights went out. Waited. Minutes turned into hours as we called other cab companies with no luck. It looked like Dewayne was our last hope. (Actually, an 80 year old woman did offer us a ride, but she had minimum 6 people already in her SUV and she was....well....80.)


My now BFF, Dwayne, who I had called at least 27 times in the last hour assured me he was coming, but we still literally screamed and jumped for joy when his minivan cab pulled up. It took him 2 hours to drive 6 miles to get us. 


He then drove us another 2 hours/6 miles to our hotel in a snow storm so bad we saw hundreds of abandoned cars and an 18-wheeler slide off the road. Not only that, but he was patient, kind, and laughed when Teressa asked if he had snow chains for his tires. 


We swore Dwayne was an angel. 


After Jesus was led into the wilderness for 40 days, the Bible says that angels came and "attended to him". (you can read the whole story here) 


Also Hebrews 13:2 says: "Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing so some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it." 


That just blows my mind. That angels are real. And not just real but involved. I don't know alot about angels, but I'm pretty sure they don't look like this. And whether Dwayne was an angel or not, he ministered to us in the best way anyone could have possibly ministered to us in that moment: he got us home. Or at least to the Westin. 


Goodnight from snowy Atlanta.

flying home with bride-to-be, Teressa...finally