Re-Learning #2: Feeling like a Failure

Oh Dwight. We are so much alike. Ok, not really. But, yesterday I did feel like a failure. A failure at life. This is one of those re-learning things. I have been seriously slacking by my own ridiculously high standards. Here are a few highlights…

Our fridge is embarrassingly empty.  There is a laundry pile taking on a life of its own in our hallway. I have phone calls to return that are getting to that point where I’m considering concocting an elaborate lie to explain why I’ve been MIA. I have loads of work stuff to do. I up and decided that our house is ugly and I want to change everything. My dog keeps staring at me like those Sarah Mclachlan ASPCA commercials and judging me for not walking her more. On and on….

And yesterday it just got to me. It wasn’t pretty. It felt like I was suffocating. Like I was in a tiny room and I couldn’t get out.

So, I vented to Micah (ah, the joys of being married to me) and he listened to me talk in one very long illogical run on sentence like a loving husband should. But, honestly I didn’t feel much better afterwards.

Then this morning God spoke a much needed word to me. He said this….

In the beginning, O Lord, you laid the foundations of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. They will perish, but you remain; they will all wear out like a garment. You will roll them up like a robe; like a garment they will be changed. But you remain the same, 
and your years will never end.

 –Hebrews 1:10-12

And then more personally he said this…

Daughter,

All these things mean nothing. They are worthless and ultimately meaningless. Especially the money and possessions you are so tightly holding onto. It will all be gone one day. These things are not who you are. I AM who you are. You are in me and I am in you. I AM what you seek. Trust me to give you what you need in the deepest sense. My way is better. You are doubting that, but believe me it is better.

Fall on me.

Release.

Stop.

Breathe.

Open your heart, and let me in.

See things how I see things.

Come to me.

Relax.

I love you, daughter, and I would do anything for you.

I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. (Isaiah 49)

Love,

Your Father

Whew. I really needed that. I hope it blesses you too.