If I Can Just _____ Then I'll Be Happy.

This is a good moment.

I’m currently sitting on the carpet in our living room with the coffee table pulled up close so I can type. My husband is playing a variety of songs on his guitar across from me. Mostly country classics, but some original songs he wrote. My absolute favorite candle is burning. (Although it is a little like I’m burning money because it cost $18.) I’m eating chocolate covered raisins, a personal fav. Also, I’m staring at some gorgeous garden roses my friend Sarah gave me when she asked me to be her Maid of Honor this morning. Technically she asked me to be her Matron of Honor, but I told her if she ever called me that again I’d kill her. What am I, 80?

So, like I said this is a good moment.

I’m trying to soak it in because I haven’t been doing much soaking lately.

One of the biggest lies that I believe is that if I can just __________________ then I’ll be happy. 

I tell this to the college girls I mentor all the time. For them it’s: “If I can just get to Christmas break, Spring Break, Summer, past this test, then I’ll be happy. That’s where rest, fulfillment and all my dreams for life will come true!”

For me it’s more: “If I can just buy a house, have more free time, make more money, master this certain aspect of my marriage, get these to-do’s crossed off, then I’ll be happy.”

For many of my friends it’s: “If I can just find a husband, have a baby, have another baby, get my dream job, or progress into this next stage of life, then I’ll be happy.”

And so we all push through.

Instead of stopping and enjoying the present moment that God has given us, we push through with the hopes of tomorrow. But, tomorrow was not made to hold the weight of all those hopes and dreams. Tomorrow just is what it is.

So, when we…

    get the vacation

           buy the house

                find the husband

                              land the job

                                    cross off a few to-do’s

                                                            ace the test

                                                                    make a few extra dollars

                                                                                   we’re left unsatisfied.

                                                                                                                          
And maybe a little angry.

We’re mad at Tomorrow. Livid even. “But, you promised, tomorrow! You promised that this was the thing, this was the finish line and that happiness was on the other side!”

The truth is all these things are great. They are strawberries and whip cream on the sponge cake of life. They are beautiful gifts. But, they are not where true fulfillment and joy is found. So, we can’t expect something from them that they were never created to deliver.

Then where do we turn?

Jesus said this about himself:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

And David found his satisfaction in the One who created it:

I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. (Psalm 63:2-5)

Lord, I will try to go to you and receive your love that is better then life. I will try to stop  placing expectations on future goals, possessions, and relationships to fulfill me. Amen. 

A Birthday Gift

Well, hello, blog. Sorry it’s been awhile.

Since the last time I wrote, I had a birthday - 28.

To some of you that is old, and to some that is young, but to me it’s just…weird.

I remember being in high school and thinking 20 was ancient. At 28 I thought you were basically dead, or at least really, really boring. Contrary to my high school expectations, I’m liking 28 so far. It’s only been about 12 days since we were introduced, but so far she’s been good to me.

On my birthday, Micah took me to see the movie Thor. I recognize that many girls would not file this high on the birthday agenda, but a little known fact about me is that I love super hero movies. Batman, Superman, Spiderman, X-Men. You name it. It definitely comes from my Dad, who also introduced me to similar movies like Star Wars, Star Trek, Indiana Jones and the like. But, super hero movies were always his (and therefore my and my brother’s) favorite. We would go see one at the theatre and then go to Chili’s and analyze the entire plot over chicken fingers. I love those memories.

As I’ve grown I’ve realized there were many things that drew me to these types of stories. I loved the hero rescuing the girl. I loved that the characters were special. I loved the moment they discovered the power within them. I loved the concept of good conquering evil. I loved the seemingly impossible odds. It all fascinated me, and it still does. So, needless to say, I was excited to see Thor.

And I loved it. Maybe a little too much.

When the movie ended I felt sad. That might sound strange, but I started to have this thought that life is just not that exciting. I was pissed that Micah isn’t ripped, wears a suit of armor, and has access to some alternate universe. I was angry that we were sitting in a movie theatre and not doing something adventurous and of the utmost importance…maybe saving lives or conquering kingdoms or I don’t know ANYTHING! So, in my slight depression we  went home.

As I crawled into bed that night as a 28 year old non-super hero (or super hero wife) I reluctantly turned in my devotional to June 11th. It said this:

“There he broke the flashing arrows,
the shield, the sword, and the weapons of war.” –Psalm 76:3

Our Redeemer’s glorious cry of “It is finished,” was the death-knell of all the adversaries of his people, the breaking of the arrows of the bow, the shield, and the sword, and the battle.” Behold the hero of Golgotha using his cross as an anvil, and his woes as a hammer, dashing to shivers bundle after bundle of our sins, those poisoned “arrows of the bow;” trampling on every indictment, and destroying every accusation. What glorious blows the mighty Breaker gives with a hammer far more ponderous than the fabled weapon of Thor!

Beloved, no sin of a believer can now be an arrow mortally to wound him, no condemnation can now be a sword to kill him, for the punishment of our sin was borne by Christ, a full atonement was made for all our iniquities by our blessed Substitute and Surety.

I was stunned, and simply prayed…

Thank you, Jesus, for rescuing me and loving me. Thank you for being my strong protector. Thank you for making me special. Thank you for helping me realize the power within me that you have given me. Thank you for being the good that conquers all evil. Thank you for conquering even when it seems impossible. Thank you that you are coming back for me.

Amen.

How to be Productive

One of my dearest friends, Melissa, sent me the most encouraging email, so I got her the Starbucks above. I recently told her how guilty I’ve been feeling about my lack of productivity. I’ve been sick with some strange health issues for about 6 months now, and in the last couple of weeks I’ve been sick twice. Being sick so often is really challenging my neurotic nature to do EVERYTHING and constantly be making over my life.  My looks, my friendships, my style, my spirituality, my marriage, my intellect…somehow I’ve convinced myself that I need a complete overhaul…everyday. But, anyway, Melissa’s email simply had this verse:

“It is no use for you to get up early and stay up late working for a living. The Lord gives sleep to those He loves.” –Psalm 127:2

Can that be my life motto??

So, I went to look it up, and it also says this:

Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guard stands watch in vain. It is no use for you to get up early and stay up late working for a living. The Lord gives sleep to those He loves.” –Psalm 127:1-2

And there’s the heart of the issue. Unless.

Unless the Lord gives wisdom, the student studies in vain.

Unless the Lord provides, the bank account does not grow.

Unless the Lord moves, peoples’ lives are not changed.

Unless the Lord does the work, there’s no point. So, don’t work your life away.

It seems that the psalmist is saying that the most “productive” someone can be is by turning to the Lord and asking him to do it.  So, it’s ok that I have to lay here on the couch and get better. He’s the one doing the work anyway.